Embracing the Not Knowing
[Fall Newsletter, November 2023]
After June's newsletter about [dum, da, dum] Change, I felt compelled to write something deep and meaningful for the fall newsletter.
Perhaps a treatise on everything I learned over the summer…
Or how the container of a limited schedule helped me navigate that liminal space I mentioned…
Or the joyous news that the liminal space is “over” and I see the path of this practice unfolding in new and wonderful ways…[insert laughing emoji here]
I felt so compelled to provide some sort of meaning or…epiphany…from the summer’s de facto “experiment” that I propelled myself directly into a raging case of writer’s block. Which is why you are receiving this email in November rather than September. [note the title of the google doc in the image above]
Wanna know the reality?
The summer passed at the speed of light, assisted by my human (and nature’s) tendency to abhor empty space. What does that mean? It means I packed all kinds of shit into a season that was intended to be expansive.
Was there learning involved? Yes, I think so…actually, most definitely.
Have I gleaned that learning yet? No, not entirely. [again, insert laughing emoji here]
At the end of the last newsletter, readers were asked to reply with their own thoughts, if so moved, and one respondent wrote of their struggle to let go of fear and allow life to unfold. So that is what I am doing here…I release my ego’s need to define or control an experience and ransom some sort of immediate value. I release my need to always have the answer. I allow myself to not know. I allow myself to simply be. [in this moment, anyway]
I think one of the bravest things anyone can say is, “I don’t know.” From kindergarten till about 5 years ago, I felt this tremendous pressure to always know… to always have the answer. I think a lot of us do. And, I think that is changing. There seems to be more space, more allowance in our society and in ourselves, for questions. For not knowing. For becoming. Perhaps, due to that, we can all be happier campers.
So let’s grant ourselves and each other that generosity…the space to not know, the space to question…to become. Sometimes the first step toward growth is to acknowledge that there’s room for it.
And in this practice, in this office, on this farm and with this practitioner…we make room.
Blessed be, my dear friend, blessed be.
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